I need someone to talk to, someone to take my mind off of her.

I’m not one to mess around with a bunch of random girls. If I do I genuinely think you’re attractive amongst other things.

The single life just isn’t for me. Atleast not anymore. I’m looking for the right girl. And I am so sick of being wrong when thinking I’ve finally found her.

I’m losing hope that she is even out there.

We broke up this morning. Well, she broke up with me. Over a text message. She is 5 years older than me and even I think that’s immature. 

Sucks though. In the short time we dated I fell in love with her. I fell in love with who she is, how she acts, how she can make me laugh when I don’t feel like smiling, the way she talks and so much more. But it’s all gone now and I hate that. I want to think that things will get better but she isn’t exactly helping me believe that that will ever happen.

I have reached my tipping point. I want to wait but I know that it is just going to be a waste of time. I un-followed her in twitter because I need to get over her. Seeing her picture makes me miss her so freaking much and I don’t want to go every single day thinking about her or what she is doing or if she is thinking about me. 

I want someone real. Someone who accepts me for me. Someone I can give my all to and them do that same to me. I’m done messing around with girls. All these short term relationships and for what? Just to get hurt at the end. 

Now…. Being alone returns.

I can’t freaking take this anymore. I think about her every minute of everyday. I miss her so freaking much and all i can think about is how much fun she is having without me. I can’t help it. People at work even notice that something is not right with me. I haven’t seen her in two weeks and it kills me. I want to tell her how i feel and how much I care about her and miss her and think about her. But I told her i wouldn’t talk to her until she is ready. I don’t want to be that clingy boyfriend. But I don’t think I can hold it in much longer. I miss her. I want to hold her. If I could just have one night to go see her and just talk…. I don’t even need that, Just a phone call will do. One. Fucking. Phone call. I just want to know she is thinking about me. I want to know how it is she feels and if she thinks about me as much as I think about her. I hate that I fell for this girl so hard, so fast yet I love it at the same time. Everyone says I should just end it… but I can’t. Not yet. this time away from her only makes me want to make our relationship better than before. It makes me care for her even more.

I want her. 

To continue the post from yesterday

I texted her this morning and gave her an ultimatum. I said I would come over today before I head to work to give her the key to her house and get my things and that she can either talk to me then or let this be the end of it.

We talked a bit after that and it is the end. She didn’t want to break up so we agreed on a “Break,” what ever that means. She wants to be left alone  so that’s what I will do, leave her alone. I will not text her or call her until she is ready.

I cannot promise I will be here when she is ready But I will wait. I care about her too much to just let her go. But it’s like they say… If you love them, you got to let them go.

This is me venting so if you don’t care, please keep scrolling. 

Last Tuesday I went over to my Girlfriends house to chill. She made us dinner and all was fine. Then she got on some video game on her phone and would not get off. Now this isn’t that big of a problem. I don’t really mind. So I moved to the bigger couch to lay down. I figured she’d move with me, like she usually does, but she was so into that dang game. After about an hour she goes upstairs to take a bath. I think she’d come back down after. She doesn’t. She starts to watch yet another show of hers on her ipad in her bed. (I say “another” because this whole time I’ve been there we have been watching what she wants to watch even though she had been on that game.) I am unaware she is out of the bath. So I head upstairs to check on her to find her watching a tv show.

So I’m pissed. Not just because of this night, but because everything I do for this girl goes unnoticed and this night, while she is spending not a minute of her time with me, it all hits me. So I leave. Without saying goodbye or why it is I am leaving.

Just a quick side note, I do A LOT for this girl. We have only been dating for about a 4 months and I do whatever I can to help her with whatever it is she needs help doing. I take her car to get serviced, I was with her when she bought her new car, I help with her 2 dogs and cat, I drive wherever it is she needs to go, and so much more.

Wednesday comes and we don’t say a word to each other. Thursday comes and I ask her how long this no talking thing is going to go on and she says she needs some time to rethink this relationship. 

Um, Okay. This scares me. Like, is she going to break up with me? Maybe I shouldn’t have stormed out the other night.

So then friday comes and she tells me she isn’t breaking up with me but she still needs time to think about things. Okay…. why? What the hell else is there to think about? You said you need to think about this relationship! If you want to think about life or the future shouldn’t you want to involve me in a conversation? But no, she still needs time. 

It’s sunday night now and I still haven’t heard from her. I was going to help her paint yesterday but I got nothing. No call, not even a text. The worst is coming into play now. I honestly think I should just end it. Like what is the point of waiting around?

I’ll wait a bit longer but not too much longer…..